The story that I am about to tell is one that happened about a month ago and at this point, you guys probably think that I am a complete moron or that I am a magnet for crazy people. First the website that I talked about in my previous blog, "Anonymous" and now this.. It is an absolute must read though, if you are anything like me and find yourself trusting people much more than you should.
It all started one day at work. It was a little bit slower due to heavy rains, mind you I was working in restaurant. A man came in alone and walked directly up to my register, (A very precious older man probably in his mid 60's). He had been in before and asked for my opinion on something new for him to try. Now, those who know me, know that I am the most interactive person, even with people that I don't know. I instantly opened up about my favorites and some of our best selling sandwiches! In my mind, this guy was a new friend of mine. After he got his food and was about half way finished, I went and checked on him to make sure that what I had recommended to him wasn't a mistake! Sure enough, he was enjoying it and asked me to take a seat. I didn't even hesitate considering we were slower and he was all alone. I have met many wonderful people and had created many relationships up to this point, knew my regulars by name and order, so I agreed. He was very kind and open about his life, his work, and asked me about mine. He was a wealthy man working here while his family lived away, so he would travel back and forth. I didn't go into great detail about myself because I do have a little bit of a brain. It was made known that I am just a young girl working two jobs so that I could finance school this upcoming year. He took great interest in this, considering his kids were all grown up and had become surgeons, lawyers, and business men! He made known that him and his wife have more money than they know what to do with and asked for either my number or email so that he could check in and seen how I was doing because he truly was grateful that I would invest my time with him as he spent Father's Day alone in a sandwich shop. I agreed and gave him my phone number, after all he didn't make me feel uncomfortable and even included my dad in the conversation, telling me that my dad could call him and talk numbers so that he could invest in my pursuing of ministry. Time went on and he sent me a text here and there, seemingly innocent and reminding me to have my father come in contact with him! One night, he texted me warning that he would call so that we could plan something for the following weekend while my dad was in town. To my surprise, the first thing he mentioned on the phone was going to dinner but just him and I, convincing me that he would pick me up at my house and he would cover my meal. Instantly, my heart felt heavy but I responded nicely, refusing his offer. He told me that he had just bought one of the bigger Mac computers so I could have his old laptop for school if I wanted it. The conversation was innocent until he started asking me personal questions in between regular conversation. It started out as simple as "How tall are you" then "How much do you weigh". He started profiling me with his questions and asking the color of my eyes and my age. After filling the silence with conversation to make me feel comfortable, his questions quickly became more personal, asking if I was virgin and if my boyfriend and I have sex, trying to convince me that it keeps the relationship alive. Feeling extremely violated by his questions, I sat quiet. I'm sure he could sense that I was feeling extremely uncomfortable and he changed the subject. After luring me back into conversation, he started asking me even more questions. Asking me what size of undergarments I wear and things so graphic, I couldn't put them in this blog if I wanted to. My hands are shaking just thinking about it! Anyone who knows me, knows that when I am uncomfortable I have a certain laugh which is what I responded to most of his current questions with. I didn't know what to say or what to do! I was so scared of hanging up the phone, in fear that he wouldn't want to help financially anymore because I didn't want to reject the school of my choice once again, due to financial difficulties. So I stayed on the phone, without speaking a word in response to his questions. The questions became even more graphic until finally he started becoming more aggressive and impatient with me, asking me to send pictures of myself to him since I wouldn't give him any response. At this point, I was frozen.... My mind was at a standstill, I couldn't even hang up because I was stuck. I was so disgusted with him but more with myself because I had trusted him, it was my fault that it had gotten this far. Suddenly tears started pouring from my eyes and flooding down my cheeks. With one more question, I finally picked myself up and hung up the phone. I was terrified.. The phone started to ring and I ignored it, then again his name was on my phone. He wouldn't stop calling and leaving voicemails. I finally blocked his number! Walking past my mom, trying to hide the disgust and embarrassment on my face, she stopped me and asked how the conversation went. I started weeping and fell to the floor. I could hardly get the words out of my mouth, to share with her what had just happened. I was so scared to even go to sleep and my body wouldn't stop shaking. I called off of work the next day, with fear that he was going to try to find me. For three days, I stayed in bed, wearing the same clothes and I wept until there were literally no tears left. I was so disappointed in myself! I had always been the girl that thought I was smarter than that, "Mom, I'm not stupid" was often my response when my mom would try and remind me to be careful because I spent most of my time alone. I was never scared of being alone, getting gas or going to the store. I had so much compassion for strangers and I wanted to trust people, I never wanted to be stereotypical or judgmental. I am telling this story because it is common that we give our trust to those who don't deserve it. I've had people actually request for me to write a blog based on trust and I don't think that I could have until this happened to me! There are two types of people, those that refuse to trust people because it was abused in the past and those who trust aggressively regardless of what they've been through. YOU CAN'T TRUST EVERYONE and that is okay. You can love people without trusting them, with the way things are going, it's not being judgmental or stereotypical to be cautious with the man trying to converse with you when you're all alone. There are people we should be able to trust like our parents but for some people that is not the case. If that is you and you are reading this, I want you to know that there is a Father in Heaven who hears you, He is longing to wrap his arms around you and show you what true love really feels like. If you are seeking Gods face persistently, I promise you that He will send people into your life who will love you the way that you are worthy of being loved, people that you will be able to trust with your heart. I truly believe that God gives us warnings before trust is abused. That feelings of conviction or anxiousness is a God given warning in our time of confusion, whether we choose to listen to it or not is our choice. I believe that by listening to that still small voice, that feeling in your gut, is an act of trusting Him. So first, we must learn to trust Him. Danger comes in many forms, whether it be a stranger dressed in dirty clothes or a stranger dressed in a suit and tie, it could be your friends, a boyfriend/ girlfriend, and unfortunately even family members some times. "Proverbs 3: 5-6- Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will makes your paths straight." Be someone that people can trust! I am tired of people that get offended to easily and allow it to affect the way that they embrace others. Gossiping is abusing a persons trust! We've all heard it said but truly, we are all battling things that others may know nothing about! Resect one another and be someone that people can confide in, that people trust their hopes and their fears with, be a person that reminds those, whose trust has been physically or emotionally taken advantage of, that they are worthy! Living in fear is like living in captivity, you shouldn't have to be afraid of trusting people and you shouldn't withhold your love from people in fear that you can't trust them! "Proverbs 11: 13- A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret." Trust is a crucial ability, that is why it is so important that we learn to TRUST the right people. Relationships will not flourish without trust and what good is a life spent in fear that someone else is going to hurt you or neglect you. I think that the most important thing that we must do as we pursue trust is pursue forgiveness. As long as you find yourself withholding trust from people, you have not forgiven the person with whom caused you the pain or you have not forgiven yourself and you still carry the shame that either you caused yourself or that you have taken on, due to what someone else has done to you. Just like I picked up the shame from this man talking to me that way, I didn't do anything wrong yet I was taking the blame for what he had done. Those who have hurt you or made you feel violated, will be exposed. But until then, it is our job to expose people to love, unconditional and relentless love. Through love they will find hope, restoration, peace and eventually they will learn to revive TRUST! Thank you so much for reading! Praying that God would overwhelm you with His amazing love! "Romans 15: 13- May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
1 Comment
11/3/2022 06:13:12 pm
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Purpose of BlogI am just a regular mom and typical preacher's daughter, living and learning day by day. Facing the inevitable and learning to embrace flaws! I'm finding beauty in disaster, contentment in disappointment, and hope where it's become impractical. I'm here to provide support in learning to love yourself, love your life and embrace the scars and the stories left behind, obstacles you've encountered and the suffering you've endured. Archives
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